A special message from Dr. Crab
We live in a troubled society. Drugs. Murder. Adultery. Violent video games. POG. And today's parents are expected to raise their children in this environment! I know what a challenge that can be. I know first-hand. (Figuratively.)
But I've also overcome that challenge. (Theoretically.) And now I am here to help you do the same. Yes, there is one person who can help guide you through the hurdles of this crazy world. And that person's name is
Dr. Phil Dr. Crab.
How, you ask, can I bring Dr. Crab into my life? How can I help Dr. Crab help me? The answer is simple... by purchasing my officially licensed products. The path to inner harmony is paved with commercial purchases, and my product line consists of only the highest quality... uh... cement. Or bricks. Stones. Whatever makes you want to buy them more.
So remember... I am here to help you! But you need to take the first step. The answer to all your problems, my friends, is in your wallet.
I mean, for now.
-Dr. Crab, "PhD"