The Sexuality Thread (NSFW)

[Monkeychewtoy]

I'm tempted now to think of odd situations for you to experience through me.

[eitlobsaboo]

ask me to tie her shoe.

You tied her shoe??? I'm interested to know what compelled you to do it?

I would have been like "Huh? What are you 5? Tie your own damn shoe"... It probably explains why I'm still single.. wait, actually no it doesn't.. THIS MAKES NO SENSE TO ME

I can understand if it were some foreplay into something where you start go to tie her shoe laces but you end up taking her pants off.. but its not your girlfriend..

[Jim North]

You tied her shoe??? I'm interested to know what compelled you to do it?

Maybe she was too busy juggling chainsaws to do it herself.

[Monkeychewtoy]

You tied her shoe??? I'm interested to know what compelled you to do it?

I would have been like "Huh? What are you 5? Tie your own damn shoe"... It probably explains why I'm still single.. wait, actually no it doesn't.. THIS MAKES NO SENSE TO ME

I can understand if it were some foreplay into something where you start go to tie her shoe laces but you end up taking her pants off.. but its not your girlfriend..

I discovered years ago that I'm pretty thoroughly "whipped." If a female asks me to do something, I will very likely do it regardless of who, what, or why. It probably just makes me look like a pussy, but as the saying goes... You are what you eat.

[Knight]

So what do cats taste like?

[Matador]

I'll tell you only if you tell me what dragons taste like.

[Monkeychewtoy]

So what do cats taste like?

Well, for the budding cunning linguists out there, I know of one very informative article that explains pretty much everything you need to know about how tastes. For those curious, here's the (NSFW) link. The more you know!~

I'm beginning to think that I've painted too rosy a picture of my sexual experiences. As flattering as it is to be called a "Love Entity," I suspect this appearance is an illusion caused by selective retelling. Let me set things a little straighter.

I have sex. I enjoy sex. I have even been lead to believe that I'm good at sex. And I've read a lot about sex. But that's really the extent of it. I'm not the dynamo I seem to be making myself out to be. I apologize for any misconception.

If that's too vague, I have the numbers to back it up.

In other news, I've found myself pondering something from a couple years ago lately. If a woman says, "I never thought sex with you could be this amazing," during intercourse... Is that a compliment, or a really clever way of saying, "I expected sex with you to be mediocre at best."? Womenfolk are crafty creatures, I've found, and one can never be too careful.

[Joopac_Badur]

In other news, I've found myself pondering something from a couple years ago lately. If a woman says, "I never thought sex with you could be this amazing," during intercourse... Is that a compliment, or a really clever way of saying, "I expected sex with you to be mediocre at best."? Womenfolk are crafty creatures, I've found, and one can never be too careful.

It could be your theory, or maybe your Sex Prowess +3 points, and she was just amazed that you went from Hard Mode to Legendary.

[Monkeychewtoy]

The best I could come up with at the time was, "Well, surprise."

And though I may attribute the question to a preponderance of craftiness in the fairer sex, I confess that it's actually because I'm still an insecure nerd at heart, despite any appearance to the contrary.

[Joopac_Badur]

Oh Monkey, why worry so? Everybody knows that nerds are the best lovers. Seriously. It's true. The best!

[Monkeychewtoy]

Thanks for the words of encouragement, Joopac. That means a lot, coming from... Lady Gaga with giant orange shades.

Today, I turned to my girlfriend and said, "You have three guesses as to what I'm thinking about." When she didn't guess it, I said, "I'll give you a hint. It rhymes with 'blending you over the kitchen counter and ducking you silly.'"

She guessed it then.

And it was good. I just remembered because I was cleaning the kitchen just now and found a condom wrapper. I'm glad it didn't end up in my quesadilla.

[Exploding Pigeons]

well maybe that wasn't really sour cream.

[stock]

My life has been a lie.

[Joopac_Badur]

well maybe that wasn't really sour cream.

Oh it was sour alright.

[eitlobsaboo]

well maybe that wasn't really sour cream.

Oh it was sour alright.

This made my morning.