SAM & FUZZY, by Sam Logan (updates M/W/F)

Inhuman, Pt. 6

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Feb 19, 2010

Sam and Fuzzy Q & A: Arctodus Simusthe Edition
Got a question you want answered? Just drop me an email with "Q & A" in the subject line!

"Did you know that other than two iterations of, when you Google "Arctodus simusthe" the Wikipedia page is the only thing that comes up? AND there are no images! I believe that makes the world expert on Arctodus simusthe!" -Justin

You're right, Justin! Those Google results confirm that this site is the foremost resource for information regarding the Giant short-faced bear, and not at all that I accidentally appended the word "the" to the end of its latin name because of a typing error. So I suppose I'd better start living up to my obligations and teach you all a little bit about Arctodus simusthe.

• Despite its appearance, Arctodus simusthe is not actually a bear. It is much more closely related to raccoons, badgers and African elephants.

Arctodus simusthe earns it's "short-faced" nickname not from it's actual face, but from Roger Short-Face, the famous biologist.

Arctodus simusthe is extinct. The last living specimen died in a bar in Reno in 1976.

• For many years, scientists believed that skeletal remains indicated Arctodus simusthe could grow to sizes of up to 17 feet long and 6 feet tall. Unfortunately, it turned out they had mistakenly placed the skull of a short-faced bear onto the body of a Dodge Caravan.

"Why did Hazel have such a big bomb in her car anyway? Does she also have guns, poison gas, and other things to brutally kill people?" -Tom

As Fuzzy insinuates, those explosives were leftover supplies from a safe-cracking gig.

It was a big safe!

"Why is the Features section so out of date? The most recent thing listed is the "First Noel" story, from Christmas '04. Where are the links to O-GAWD 3, 4, and 5? What about the Skull Panda and Bitey the Shark comics?" -Matt

Think of the Features page as a time capsule... a unique window back into the strange and exciting era when I remembered to update the Features page. That's what I do!

That's it for this week, team. See you on Monday!

-Sam Logan

Feb 17, 2010

Everything must go

Just a reminder, folks... over at Topatoco, we are clearing out some of our classic t-shirt designs to make space for new swag. If these are shirts you want in your life, act quickly! We are already starting to run out of certain sizes... and once they are gone, they are gone for good and your life is pretty much ruined forever.

T-shirts soon to be cruely eliminated
I'm Capitalism
I'm Communism
Skull Panda Loves Kitties
Skull Panda Head
Can't Dance
Dr. Crab

-Sam Logan

Feb 15, 2010


Well, if everything had gone according to plan, Shannon and I would be in Peru right now! Unfortunately, as you may have heard, the Cusco area was hit with some pretty brutal flooding recently, and many of the places we were planning to visit are now closed or inaccessible... or at least pretty roughed up. The railroad to Machu Picchu -- the only way to get in and out of there -- was hit by severe mudslides, and won't be running again for at least month or two. (All the folks who were in Machu Picchu at the time, including some friends of mine, were stuck there for days and had to be flown out by helicopter!)

Anyhow, to make a long story short, we've canceled the trip for now. But let's face it... the disappointment of a postponed vacation is incredibly small potatoes compared to what the folks who live there have had to deal with. So you won't hear me complaining about it here! We'll just put things on hold for now. And hopefully, we'll be visiting a fully recovered Cusco sometime later this year!

-Sam Logan